Defender of the Weak

Man! I have so much racing through my head right now I'm afraid I won't be able to type it fast enough before it leaves. I woke up at 4 am (thank you, 5-month-old) and couldn't get back to sleep. I started thinking about how God is the Defender of the Weak. I sort of had an "Awwww. Isn't that sweet?" moment thinking about how He takes care of all those weak people out there. "Itn't that special?" (Insert Dana Carvey reference here.)

Then I sort of got hit between the eyes with the fact that sometimes I'm "the weak." ugh. I hate thinking of myself as weak. I'm the self-sufficient one. Toilet guts need to be replaced and sprinkler system repaired? I'm your girl. You need to store up enough food in the freezer to feed Cox's Army? Call on me. New chocolate chip cookie recipe and made up pumpkin cranberry bread? I can do that. You want a new bookcase, tile in the kitchen and new concrete counter-tops? Sure. I can do that. Probably. Just because I've never done it doesn't mean I can't.

But.... Sometimes I've been cheated and cheated on. I've been betrayed and lied to. I've been stolen from and wrongfully accused. Someone who for one reason or another had power over me decided to use that power to their advantage and my disadvantage. I was the weak.

So what God was dealing with in me this morning when my mind was racing at 4:30 AM was the fact that when I do not choose (it's a choice not a feeling) to forgive the guilty party in those situations, it's because pride has risen up in me. I would rather be angry and bitter about those things than admit that I was weak. Ouch.

Then I had to get past that point to the fact that when I can't admit that I'm weak it's because I don't trust God to be my defender. Double ouch.

Thankfully there were no more points. I think that's enough for us to deal with for the next few weeks. Or years....