A Little Guilt Goes a Long Way

So, I'm not sure why, but I've been thinking about guilt today.  I would appreciate your input on this one.  What is it that causes us to feel guilt (or lack thereof?)  I'm not talking about feeling true conviction when you've done something that wronged another (although, that's a blog for another day.) I'm talking about feeling guilt that drags you down and hobbles you. Is it something innate or is it learned?

Here's my thing: if it's learned, how do I avoid teaching it to my children? I was raised in a very legalistic cult that basically drummed guilt into my head with every sermon.  There's no mystery that my guilt complex is a product of legalistic crap.  However, I've had friends who weren't raised in cults.  They had a pretty normal (is there really any such thing?) childhood and they still struggle with guilt.  So, were they taught guilt in some subtle way? Perhaps our parents fell back on the old guilt complex to keep us in line.

But, now that I'm more sensitive to it, I'm seeing it everywhere.  We see it on TV and in books and in our everyday jargon.  "You should be ashamed of yourself."  What we really mean is that we hope they are somehow going to change their ways and not do that again.  We don't really want them to be ashamed of themselves as a person.  When we really think about what that means, it's a horrible thing to say that most of us wouldn't if we thought about it first.  So how do I teach my children to have grace for themselves and not follow in my guilt-ridden footsteps?

My personal opinion is that I need to get my crap together and start living it for them to see.  They can hear me talk about grace all day long but it's not going to mean anything to them unless they see it walked out in my life every day (or most days when my crap's together.)