A Balancing Act

I keep telling myself that one of these days I'm going to grow up and be a good housekeeper and a good wife and a great mother that keeps all the balls in the air without dropping any of them.  I will have really clever dinner parties in my spotlessly clean house and make it all look effortless.  I will always have shaved legs and armpits and my hair will always be faultlessly coiffed. I will not spend most of the day in my pajamas and I will have nice clothes that don't have salsa stains on them or torn hems and my shoes will always match whatever outfit I have chosen for the day.  I will get my eyebrows waxed every two weeks without fail and my face will always be clear and expertly made-up with this season's latest colors.  I will not be an ounce over my ideal body weight and I will always eat what I know is good for me because junk food and pop do not have a place in the diet of a grown-up such as me.

I step back and inspect this grown-up version of me and can't help but think, "Sheesh!  How boring is she?!"  If I'm really honest with myself, that's not a grown-up version of me, that is someone else entirely.  Why is it that somehow I have this idea that to be "grown up" I have to completely change who I am?

I am the woman who spontaneously invites friends over and they hang out in her messy house while she throws some burgers on the grill.  I often play with my kids for most of the day in my pajamas and we have an absolute blast while dishes wait patiently in the sink and laundry sits in the drier for a couple of days (or weeks but who's counting?) if it even makes it to the drier.  I very rarely wear make-up because, well, I'm kind of lazy.  I just don't think about it that much.  If you don't like how I look without it, you can look somewhere else.  I'm overweight because I like junk food and ice cream and just plain food in general and I lack self control to tell myself no.


Here's where we run into the problem.  My eating habits are not healthy and my house really does need to be cleaner.  There shouldn't be so much clutter laying around on our kitchen table and the toys need to get put away in the living room.  I need to eat less Cheetos and popcorn and start eating more vegetables and balanced reasonable meals. I'm struggling right now to find that balance between being me but just being better.  I do want to be a good mom and a good wife and a good housekeeper so my family has a clean pleasant house to live in (because I like it better that way, too.)  I don't, however, want to turn into some June Cleaver wanna-be that my family doesn't even recognize or like anymore.

Sure I'll play with you honey...as soon as I'm done polishing the cutlery.

I guess, along with working to simplify our household, my goal will be to find that fine balance between being the overweight bad housekeeper and the "ideal" of a Stepford wife. 

Somewhere in the middle is who I am supposed to be and I guess once I get there that's when I'll be all grown up.  In the mean time, my family has managed to survive and be okay people even when I'm not perfect.