It doesn't help that my bank account is in the negatives and my 4 year old son is driving me crazy. It's getting harder to combat that voice that screams, "See? You can't afford to stay home. You're not really cut out to be a stay-at-home-mom anyway. Your kids are probably better off with someone else." Seriously?! I wanted to be able to stay home more than anything and now that it's happened I'm scared to death.
Plus, my support base is shaky because a lot of my friends are from work so they are all busy and have no concept of what this is like. I don't blame them for not being sympathetic. I wouldn't be either. It's just hard to feel like I've kind of lost 3/4 of my friends because of the whole "out of sight out of mind" thing. But I digress.
I think part of the reason I have a hard time just letting God handle things is because in my life I don't let ANYBODY just handle things for me. I have the hardest time accepting help when it's offered much less asking for it. It's a tough habit to break. (If you offer to help me and I turn you down, call me on it!)
I keep reminding myself to take baby steps but I'm pretty impatient. I want to be fixed and refined RIGHT NOW. I don't want to have to go through the process. Lord, give me perspective.
Perspective is everything!
ReplyDeleteDianne even though it may seem like it, you are not forgotten. The new school is great, but it is kicking my butt. I wish I could better understand what you are going through though. I'm praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI find that my own attitude is the best thing that I can do for myself when I am refusing to let go of things. Each night, I try to envision what kind of a day I'd like to have. Plus, I try to remind myself that happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy in any situation. This gives me peace and allows me to let go. It takes a lot of work though. I hope you find peace and also take heart that you are spending valuable time with your children that a lot of people don't get to do. =)
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